my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
