Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
