you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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