please come you make the beer taste better
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
