so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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