You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
