i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
