I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
