It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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