Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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