Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Your dad touched me again.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
