This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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