my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
