When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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