Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
