u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
