He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
