new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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