If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
