I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Randomize
