Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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