we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
