How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
