I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
