god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
