Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
