i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
