Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Someone signed my nipple.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
