So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
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