whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
