I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
