I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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