we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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