apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Are my feet made of real feet?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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