We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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