What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
