That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
