just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
