Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Come on in and take your pants off
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