I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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