I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
