Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
