does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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