i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
