You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize