My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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