Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
