Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
she told me i tasted like america
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
