ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
