dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You've changed since you got that strap on
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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