I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize