It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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